Of Course
by pseudonymical
Summary: Eric wonders why he's looking at Alan so much-because clearly it couldn't be romantic.
1. Eric's Denial

AN: Does anyone know if you're allowed to post songfics on this site? I haven't actually written one, but I was thinking about it, and the rules confuse me. XD All right. This was fun to write, I did purposefully repeat the words "of course", as per the fic title. I'm not sure how good this is, so read and review and tell me! Love you guys.  
>EDIT: OK, people want a second chapter! That makes me happy. I've started writing one-it's from Alan's point of view.<p>

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><p>Eric had been looking at his partner a lot, lately. It was odd, for him, since very few people really caught his eye-or his interest-as Alan had. No, Alan wasn't classically handsome, but there was something <em>about<em> him... It wasn't _attraction_, really, Eric reasoned with himself. He wasn't into guys. And honestly, even when he'd been tutoring him, Eric had never really noticed Alan's appearance past the initial meeting. Hell, he hadn't noticed much of his _personality_-he simply hadn't had interest in the students at the Academy, still didn't.

All he remembered observing about the man he'd been tutoring was that he was small, and less heavily muscled than the average Reaper(probably because his death scythe wasn't large). That, he'd noticed mostly because he'd done a lot of coaching on physical technique-Alan had always had the theory down pat. He'd also, of course, seen Alan's face, and his hair, and Eric felt sure he'd have recognized him, had they passed in the hallways. Not that Eric ever would have acknowledged his presence then. About Alan's personality, as far as he'd ever gotten was that Alan was a good student, an honor student, in fact, and that he was relatively quiet.

Now that Alan was his partner, Eric could hardly ignore him. Not that he'd ever _tried_ to ignore him-he'd just never cared much. But, of late, he'd been noticing much more about the man than he'd ever wanted to. Things like the way he'd adjust his glasses when he was nervous, the planes of his face, how he smiled. Eric had noticed so many things about Alan, recently, mostly of the variety he'd generally, if he'd been noticing them about a woman, dub as attraction. But Alan wasn't a woman, no matter how feminine he might seem at times-and oh, how Eric enjoyed teasing him about that, as well as many other things. Alan wasn't a woman, which meant that noting the sway of his hips when he swung his scythe was not appropriate.

Of course, Eric wasn't looking at Alan's hips. Of course not. Just like he wasn't looking at the curve of Alan's waist, and how graceful his hands were.

"Eric? How are we going to deal with these three? They're all dying within five minutes of each other, and there's only two of us." Alan asked, looking up at his partner, who was definitely not thinking about how beautifully green those eyes were. Or how cute Alan was with that bewildered expression. "They're not even very close..."

"Ah, it's OK. We'll make it. Look, these two are at almost the same time, the next one's about four minutes later. We can split up for the first two. Whoever's closer to the last'll get over there as fast as possible." _I'll make sure it's me-I don't want you exposed to unnecessary danger_. That, clearly, was just a friendly feeling. He spent a lot of his time with Alan now that they were partners! He was entitled to feel some attachment to the younger man.

"Oh, OK." Alan said, marking something on the sheet. "And should we meet at the last site?"

"Yeah, sure. Get papers straightened and everything. Tell you what, that's the last one-I'll buy you dinner after we're through." _Not a date. Just two guys, hanging out after work. Nothing weird about that_.

_Then why are you terrified of his rejection?_ said a small voice in the back of his head. Eric ignored it and tried to look as though he didn't care whether Alan said yes or not. If he'd been watching his partner, he might have seen the sudden smile leap into being on Alan's face, but he was avoiding looking at the man as much as possible.

_If it's not a date, why are you so nervous...?_ The voice said. Eric mentally attempted to beat it down. _Not a date. Not a date_.

"That'd be nice. I'd like to spend some time with you outside of work." Alan replied. "By the way, have you finished your reports for that Reaping this morning?" He continued, as though Eric's heart weren't jumping. But, of course, it wasn't. Because Alan was, obviously, just a friend.

"What are these reports of which you speak?" Eric said, raising an eyebrow and grinning.

"Don't play dumb, Eric." Alan said, whacking him upside the head with the sheaf of papers he was holding. "Do your paperwork."

"I do more paperwork than Grell." Eric replied matter-of-factly.

"Only barely! William will have your head if you're late on another report."

"Ah, William can try and take my head if he wants to. All he can do is give me overtime."

"Just do your work, Eric." Alan rolled his eyes. They arrived in front of the office-Eric turned to enter, but Alan appeared to have other plans. "Oh, I have to pick something up." Alan said in response to Eric's quizzical glance. The blonde man stood by the door and watched his partner walk away, trying valiantly to keep his eyes from being drawn to that inevitable spot.

**~later~**

"Sooo, Eric~"

"What do you want, Grell?" Eric said shortly, actually completing paperwork for once, which was making him cranky. The redheaded man had sidled onto the arm of Eric's chair, leaning into the tall Reaper. Eric, who had very little patience for Grell's come-ons, used an elbow to remove his coworker from his perch.

"Just wanted to know what you think of your new partner."

_Why. Why did that have to be his question? The moron couldn't have picked anything else_-

"Why do you care?"

"Ooh, touchy, touchy!" Grell said gleefully. "Isn't he simply _adorable_~"

"Grell, bugger off." _Yes, he-no, he's not_. Eric thought, or rather, _didn't_ think. Of course he didn't think about Alan that way, would never.

"Ooh, Eric has a secret!" Grell's joy reached a near-shriek. "Does Eric _looove_ little Alan?" _I'm right here, you berk. Don't yell_.

"Of course not!" Eric managed. _Not even possible_. After all, it wasn't as though noticing that Alan had better legs than any of his ex-girlfriends made him "in love" with his partner. ..._Wait. What was that last?_ "I'm going to go file this. Leave me alone." He stood up, taking a small stack of papers with him. He wasn't quite sure exactly what they were, but it didn't matter, really.

"You know, Will won't be happy if you file the 'To Die' list." Grell grinned. _ Goddammit, why does he have to be observa_nt? As Eric left the room, he heard Grell's parting words. "You're so _obvious_, Eric, dear. So painfully obvious."

**~later~**

"OK, so here's where it gets hard." Eric said, then reconsidered his word choice. "Where it gets _difficult_, that is."

"What else would you mean?" Alan asked, looking up at his taller partner. Eric flushed slightly, thankful that Alan couldn't see it in the darkness. He hadn't been thinking anything weird. He hadn't, really!

"Nothing. Um, here, you head off there-I'll take this one, and the second, I'm closer. Meet me there, OK?" He pointed to three names on the list. Alan nodded and shot off in the direction of his target. Eric's was closer, so he could take more time getting there. He was trying his hardest to keep his mind off of Alan, concentrating fully on the job. As such, it was over extremely quickly, which was rather unfortunate, as he then had nothing more to distract him from his rapidly growing thoughts-clearly not romantic-about his partner.

He headed to the next job, arriving just in time to see the woman he was after clutch her left arm and crumple to the ground. Heart attack, probably-yes, according to the list, that was it. Alan should be here soon, at least. Not that that should make this any better, of course.

But quite a while passed, and Alan didn't arrive. Eric began to worry about his partner. Was it possible he'd run into trouble? Even had an attack, maybe? No, no, Alan was a grown man, what's more, a trained Reaper, and could take care of himself. He didn't need Eric, and what was more, Eric felt absolutely no compulsion to go to his rescue should he need it. Which he didn't.

Aw, who was he kidding. He looked at the address for the job Alan had headed off to. _I can be there in five minutes_.

When he arrived at the scene, a crowd was gathering around what must be a body, but he couldn't see Alan anywhere. There were no Cinematic Records flying around, though, so he must have finished the Reaping. Eric scanned the area, still not seeing his partner. "Alan?" He called quietly. No response, but that was expected. Probably he was on his way to where Eric was supposed to be right now, and they'd crossed paths, not noticing. Still, Eric walked around the rapidly gathering crowd, just in case.

"Alan!" He exclaimed, seeing a small, slender brunette. But... Alan was standing up against the wall of a nook between neighboring stores, out of sight of the crowd. His back was turned to the scene, but still, there was no denying who it was, especially when he turned at the call of his name.

"E-eric." He said, his voice sounding choked. "I don't want you to see me like... It's, I'm fine." Eric was by his side in a second, ignoring his protest. For once, the denying voice wasn't active as he looked at his tiny partner. Alan was crying, face red, beautiful green eyes welling with tears. It was as cute as it was scary. Was Alan injured?

"Oh my god, Alan, are you all right, did you have an attack, I knew we shouldn't have split up-" He stammered. Alan wiped his left eye with his hand, brushing a tear out of the way. Eric fumbled in his pockets for a handkerchief.

"I'm fine, I'm, I'm not hurt." Alan said, using the proffered cloth. "It's just..." another sob racked his body. "She saw me, she saw me, and she looked so scared, and then the record, and she was in so much pain..." Eric let out a breath he'd been holding in. Alan wasn't hurt. He was just... sad for the person whose soul he'd collected? What the hell? And what on earth was Eric supposed to do with a crying Alan? Eric had never been good with crying women, and this was only slightly different.

"Uh, sorry?" He said lamely, unsure of what to do. Alan gave a watery sob and gripped Eric's shirt, pressing himself to the older man's chest. _Holy crap, is this really-he's just a friend_. Eric froze, then brought his arms gingerly around Alan to hug him. _You're just comforting him._

_ Of course I am! I like girls, remember? I went out with that blonde the other day, Jessica, was that her name? _

_ You weren't even paying attention to her. All you did was sit around and then pay the check._

...Well, that was true. There hadn't been much of a "connection", say. She'd just been boring. She was too... _not Alan?_

_ Shut up, you._

"Thanks, Eric." Alan said, pushing away from his partner, his face was flushed in embarrassment, and he looked simply adorable. No, not adorable. Eric wasn't attracted to his partner. "I'm sorry about this."

"No, it's fine."

"It's just... she had a husband, did you know? She said his name, while she was dying..." Tears welled in his eyes again. _Your heart's too big, Alan. You're going to get it broken some day. _

"What, did you talk to her before you collected her?" Eric tried to lighten the mood. It failed. Alan looked at him like he was crazy.

"I read the file."

"Oh."

"Makes more sense now, huh?" Alan's tears were rapidly becoming a mere memory, which was unfortunate because they'd been very attracti- No, they hadn't been.

_Deny, deny, deny. Admit it, Grell had a point earlier_...

"So, you owe me dinner." Alan said, trying to act as though he hadn't just been sobbing into Eric's chest.

"I do, at that. Where would you like to go?"

_Of course it's not a date._

_ You just keep telling yourself that._


	2. Alan's Acceptance

AN: Think I might play with the idea of Eric having "artist's hands" a bit more sometime. Connect to the piano, maybe. And I might do the pool games, too. Seems like it could be fun. Please read and review!

Eric had the hands of an artist, beautiful hands, in Alan's opinion, though gripping a fairly ignominious coffee cup. Alan had known Eric for years, years of loving him from afar. It was so hard for him, now that they were partners. When Eric had been his tutor, it had been easy to pretend that he was only that. When Alan had graduated the Academy, he had thought his days of painfully unrequited love were over with Eric's dubious teaching skills. He'd gotten his assignment, to work under the direction of one William T. Spears. When he'd gotten to his new workplace, William had introduced him to his partner. Imagine his surprise when it turned out to be Eric.

And now, after that disastrous Reaping, they sat across from each other in this little restaurant. Alan couldn't help but feel intensely embarrassed, having cried in front of Eric. And over a soul he was supposed to be Reaping! Eric seemed to be studying him now, for reasons Alan couldn't fathom. Probably he was wondering if Alan would burst into tears at the plight of the sandwich he was eating.

"Sandwich any good?" The object of his musings said in that deep voice that Alan loved so much.

"It's not bad. How do you know about this place?" Alan asked. _Normal interaction. Normal, Alan. Normal_. The tiny shop was tucked away between two far larger buildings, out of the way, and very obscure. It was clean, though, and quiet. The food was good, too. But it just didn't seem like anywhere that Eric-or, anyone, really-would know about.

"Ah, my flat's near here. I take walks through this area all the time." Alan could almost picture him walking through his neighborhood, perhaps dressed in jeans and a casual shirt. He had to fight to keep from putting himself into the image-preferably holding Eric's hand.

"Oh. Well, it's pretty nice." Alan focused on his sandwich and tried to ignore Eric's stare. "So how did _your_ Reapings go?" Ugh, bad move. Too close to the topic of his own humiliation.

"No, no, no, we're _off_ work. Pick something else." Eric leaned back in his chair, setting his coffee on the table. He looked very cool, Alan noted, and at ease. "How about discussing what we do when we're _not_ working?" He skipped a beat and finished, "So, what do you do when you're not working?" _Of course he doesn't know. He didn't give a rat's behind about me until we became partners, and he's still not very interested._

"Um, I typically go home and read."

"How very exciting." Eric said, sounding anything but. Alan felt ashamed, like maybe he should have lied. But it wasn't like it was a date, so Alan didn't need to impress his partner...

"What do you like to do?" Alan had tried to find out before, but again, Eric had never much cared. Hopefully he would never know how much it had hurt Alan to know that Eric didn't care.

"Well, sometimes I play pool with Ron." Eric shrugged, and Alan felt a surge of jealousy towards the youngest member of their office. Not that he liked pool, but he did like _Eric_. "I used to play the piano, too." At least _that_ wasn't a group sport.

"Is Ronald any good at pool?"

"Not bad, actually." Eric shrugged. "He does just fine up until the 8-ball. Then he gets nervous and starts missing. If I'm behind at that point-which I'm usually not-"

_Is _he_ trying to impress _me_? _ "-then I can catch up and finish the game." _If only I knew what the 8-ball meant_...

"So you're good?" Alan paused. "At pool, that is?" He thought he caught a hint of a grin on Eric's face before the tall man answered.

"I like to think so. You done with that?" He gestured at Alan's plate.

"Oh! Yes, I am."

"You want to go halvsies, or should I get the check?"

"You didn't actually eat, you just had coffee, so let's spli-"

"Great! I got it, then." Eric said, talking over the end of Alan's speech. He stood up and walked up to the counter, taking out his wallet. Alan couldn't help grinning, and not only because Eric had a lovely arse.

As they walked out of the restaurant, Alan wondered whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, he had loved Eric since he'd known him. It was nice to spend time with him, and if you ignored Eric's clear preferences for women, it was almost like a date. At the very least, Alan could pretend it was. On the other, all this was doing was continuing to destroy his heart. Because Eric didn't love him back, and he never would.

"So Alan, I'll see you tomorrow." _No, no, don't have me go home just yet_.

"Oh, um, OK." Alan flushed, hoping Eric couldn't read his obvious disappointment. "See you then."

"Do you, I don't know, want me to walk you home?" Did his partner not want him to go? That made Alan quite happy, even though he wasn't sure it was true.

"Only if you'd like to." He tried to sound casual. _Not a date, not a date, not a date_.

Eric muttered something under his breath. Alan couldn't quite hear it, but it sounded suspiciously like Eric was reminding himself that it wasn't a date as well. Eric was sarcastic to himself as well? Alan chuckled.

"What're you laughing at?" Eric said curiously.

"Oh, nothing."

"Now you have to tell me."

"Sounds like an excuse to walk me home, Mr. Slingby." Alan couldn't believe the words coming out of his mouth. It was dark outside, but from the glow of a streetlight, he could see Eric's cheeks darken.

"N-not really," Eric said, not quite hiding a slight stammer. _He's straight, he doesn't like you, it's not a date, stop that _right now_, Alan Humphries_. "And since when do you call me by my last name?" Maybe he should just tell Eric. Maybe Eric wouldn't care! Maybe he- _stop that, Alan, stop it right now_. "Alan? Hello? Earth to Alan?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'll just go home now." Alan snapped out of his thoughts.

"I'll walk you."

"What am I, your dog?" Eric laughed at that one, evidentially forgetting the momentary awkwardness. _Thank goodness he's easy to distract_.

"You're a bit more spirited outside of work, aren't you, Alan?" And oh god, that beautiful smile. His mouth was so perfect, and when he smiled like that, it was breathtaking. Alan made his decision in an instant. He moved towards Eric quickly, winding one hand into the dark cornrows behind his right ear, the other hand on his chest-which, he was happy to discover, was every bit as nice as he'd imagined.

He felt Eric freeze under his lips. The brunette kept his eyes tightly shut, not wanting to see his heart finally shatter. And Eric wasn't responding, as Alan knew he wouldn't. He was waiting,_ give me one more moment please_, any second now Eric would push him away, yell something hurtful, leave. And then, all of a sudden, Alan found himself pressed against the brick wall that stood behind them, Eric's hands moving to his hips. Eric was kissing him back! He was kissing Alan back! Then, as abruptly as he'd started, Eric pulled away.

"Ah." He said, holding a hand to his mouth. "I'm sorry, I..."

"I started it..."

"It's..."

"_I'm_ sorry, really..."

"I like women!" Eric blurted out, his face immediately coloring. Alan smiled sadly. He had known this would come. The bubble of happiness that had formed when Eric had started kissing him burst. "I mean, you're nice and everything and you've got fantastic legs, but-"

"What was that last?" Alan said quizzically.

"Nothing!" Eric said quickly. "I went out with a nice bird last week, I like girls, I'm sorry, I've never..."

"Eric, who are you trying to convince?" Alan asked, allowing his eyes to slide closed. When he wasn't looking at the shambled of his unrequited love, he could almost pretend Eric was still kissing him. He knew the sad smile was still on his face.

"No one!"

"Look, Eric, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kissed you, it's not your fault. This is my fault, I should have known better."

"How long," Eric's face showed pity, and something else. Guilt? "have you, uh..."

"Since I met you."

"I'm..."

"It's OK, really, I'm sorry, don't feel bad. Go home, fill out a reassignment form."

"Alan. I'm not going to be reassigned." In the dark, Alan could only barely make out Eric's features.

"But I-"

"Alan. I kind of liked it, OK? Now shut up."

"I'm still a guy-" Alan said, not able to keep the tiniest hint of joy out of his voice.

"I'm very, very aware. Trust me. Now, stop talking and let's pretend this didn't happen."

_Denial, denial._


	3. Eric's Dilemma

AN: People wanted more chapters of this! No one was more shocked than I. And... Apparently I picked that up and ran with it, because it ended up with five. The fifth chapter kind of sucks, because I had no clue what to do with it. But I tried, and I'm hoping it's cute anyway. Probably going to think of more creative chapter names soon.  
>In any case, read and review. I didn't have spellcheck when I wrote this, so tell me if you see anything off and I'll fix it. I'm putting up all three chapters, as well as one other EricAlan fic. I had way too much time on my hands. hope you like!<p>

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><p><em>I'm not really into men<em>. Eric Slingby thought as he walked along a street near his flat. _I can't be_. No, he definitely couldn't be. He'd lived a longer-than-human lifespan, gone out with perhaps hundreds of girls. Well, maybe not hundreds. _Don't get arrogant_. But still, he'd never, ever, in his abnormally long life, been attracted to anyone who didn't have two X chromosomes. And why would he be? It wasn't _normal_. Of everything Eric knew he was, "normal" usually made the list, at least in terms of sexual orientation.

He passed the restaurant where he and Alan had sat the night before-a nice little place, which he'd been pleased to learn Alan had liked. He could only hope the owners didn't notice he'd been going there for upwards of twenty years, though he looked almost the same as he had when he'd first frequented the establishment. Eric checked his watch. Yes, he was going to be late for work-he'd overslept, due to having stayed up late worrying.

Will, Eric knew, had a stick up his ass about many things, but lateness was one of his pet peeves, and he was not going to be happy about his subordinate's tardiness. Typically, the thought of Will giving him an hour of overtime or some such would have Eric running to the Dispatch Center as fast as he could... but honestly, he was hoping to delay meeting Alan again. For all his words about "forgetting it", what had happened last night would not be something that either of them would forget in a hurry.

He walked by a spot of brick wall that looked like every other wall in this neighborhood-but in reality, it was now very, very different. _Alan kissed me here, last night_. And Eric had kissed him back. That was the thing he could not get over-he'd actually kissed Alan back. He hadn't even been nice about it, though that wasn't really what he should be thinking about. No, he'd left no doubt as to, well, anything, although doubt was all Eric was feeling right now. If he'd, perhaps, simply moved a little, he could excuse it as an accident. If he'd pushed Alan away, that would have been the appropriate response for someone like him-someone straight. But no, he'd slammed Alan against the red brick, held him there, kissed him fiercely. He even thought he remembered putting his hands on Alan's hips. He'd pinned Alan between him and that wall, and he'd enjoyed it far more than he should have.

That was one of the worst parts of this thing that had been occupying his mind-he'd enjoyed it. If he was being totally honest, which, he realized, he hadn't been doing much lately, he'd liked it. He'd liked it a lot. It wasn't much different from kissing a girl, and if Alan had been female, Eric would have none of these qualms, except maybe worrying he'd been a bit rough, what with the whole wall thing. It wasn't _much_ different from kissing a girl, but the difference was definite, maybe mostly because the person he'd been kissing was Alan.

He'd smelled like ink, and coffee, and something unidentifiable that Eric had thought was wonderful. He wasn't wearing any perfume, of course not, but that was a difference from most of the girls Eric had previously found himself kissing. It had been nice, actually, to not smell some awful, clogging flower scent. Their glasses had clinked-next time he'd have to take them off. Wait. What was he thinking? There would be no next time, because Eric was a man, and Alan was a man, and in Eric's mind, that just didn't work. Not that he was predjudiced, you couldn't deal with working with Grell if you had an issue with people who weren't straight. But he'd never in his life thought of himself as being anything but straight, and he was still having problems admitting he _was_ anything but.

"G'Morning." He said to the woman sitting in the lobby of the Dispatch building. His thoughts had gotten him over the walk. Not that he had a good time with these particular thoughts. He took his usual way up to the office he worked in-all the time wondering if the people he passed could see it on him. _Eric Slingby kissed a man._ He knew it wasn't obvious, couldn't be, but he felt as though he had those words printed on his chest as he walked up the four flights of stairs to the office.

"Good morning, Mr. Eric." Ron greeted him, passing on his way down the hall. Eric muttered a good morning back, as well as something about it being too early, that made Ron laugh. He checked in with Will, who, absolutely typically, said only "You're late, Slingby".

"Sorry."

"I want the paperwork for those Reapings you and Humphries did last night on my desk by noon, or you'll both have overtime."

"Yeah, yeah." Will glared at his dissmissive attitude, but Eric had far more pressing things on his mind, like the thing he was dreading, that was about to happen. Meeting Alan. He rounded the corner into the unit office, hung up his coat, and took his seat at his desk, across from Alan's, doing his utmost to keep from looking at his young partner.

"Good mooooorning, Eric~" Grell. Of course. Only the flamboyant Reaper would totally ignore the fact that there was tension rippling between Eric and Alan. "Sleep well?" He gave a lascivious wink and smiled wickedly. A question he asked every day, in that same tone. It never got less annoying.

"Grell..." Eric tried to make his voice dangerous. He was good at that, at acting aloof and bad-boy, he'd cultivated that skill as best he could. But for whatever reason, it wasn't working at all this morning.

"Good morning, Eric." Alan said quietly. Despite the fact that Grell was still prattling on about something or other, Alan's voice, in comparison, sounded loud, though in reality it was far quieter than that of the redhead.

"Morning." Eric replied, still not looking at his partner.

"Sutcliff!" Will's voice called from his office. "Get in here!" Grell rolled his eyes, shrugging, and exited.

Which left Eric and Alan alone in the office, which suddenly seemed much, much too small. Silence fell, where usually there might have been a companiable remark or two. Eric was still doing his best to not look at Alan, although the effort was massive to keep his eyes averted.

"Eric, I thought we were going to forget it?" Alan suddenly said.

"I'm trying."

"Look, _I _can transfer if you want-"

"No, it's fine." Although he was...probably?... not attracted to Alan, he felt as though he couldn't let the other man go. _He can't transfer!_

"...Are you sure? Because you don't seem like you've gotten over-"

"I'll get over it. It's a silly thing to transfer for." _Yeah, that's the reason, Eric_. Alan's face took on a slightly hurt look. It was clear he didn't think it was any such "silly thing".

"If you say so. And stop cutting me off." He wiped the hurt off his face, looking adorably irritated instead. Why, why, _why_, did Eric keep applying the word "adorable" to his partner? Was it possible he just thought Alan was cute, rather than attractive? After all, he found little children cute sometimes, but in a different way than he'd say a woman was "cute". Was it possible he thought Alan was "little boy" cute, rather than the other way? Yes, that must be it, that made sense. More sense than that he would find a man attractive.

That said, he had never felt any compulsion to slip little children the tongue. _Alan_ had been the one on the recieving end of _that_.

_...Damn this overactive voice of reason._

A smashing sound came from Will's office, causing both of them to turn quickly towards it. Eric could swear he heard Will raising his voice-something he rarely did except to Grell-and Grell's higher-pitched voice responding. They couldn't hear the words, but it was entertaining nonetheless.

"What d'you think they're arguing about now?" Alan asked. He appeared to be trying to lighten the mood, change the subject, something.

"Probably something Grell destroyed." Eric's answer was offhanded. His head was whirling in proximity to Alan, his thoughts jumbled and confusing. _You're behaving like a teenaged girl, Eric,_ he told himself sternly, _Get your act together_. Alan laughed at his absentminded answer, which was probably dead on. Eric was certain that laugh was one of the more lovely things he'd ever heard. He wasn't sure how he felt about that. Why was he not sure all of a sudden? He'd never had a doubt before he met Alan...

"Probably. William wants our reports by twelve, by the way, I'm sure he told you that."

"Yeah."

"Eric-" Alan's worried speech was cut off by Ron's entrance.

"I got coffee!" He said brightly. As the youngest member of their office, they had always given him that job. Both he and Alan were fairly new to the office, though Ron was more so than Eric's partner.

"Lovely! Thanks, Ronald." Alan replied, beaming at the blonde. Eric felt a sudden wish that Ron would disappear and Alan would turn that smile on him, but he pushed it down. _Yes, I've definitely got some weird hang-up on this guy_. It couldn't really be romatic, though. After all, he'd never wavered in preference for women. Unless you counted the night before, which Eric was deperately trying not to.

"Good boy!" Grell squealed, re-entering the office with a rather conspicuous red spot on his jaw that would likely turn into a bruise.

"I had to go down to the cafe to find your cinnamon, Miss Grell, I really wish you'd just bring some." Ron sighed. Grell stuck out his lower lip in a pout, clearly not appreciating Ron's entreaties.

"But..." Eric lost the rest of the redhead's train of thought as he returned to his work. He was easily distracted, usually, and had always hated writing reports-Alan was so much better at this-but today, he concentrated on his papers as a means of _not_ concentrating on his partner. Alan sat across from him all day, and Eric didn't miss the glances that were occasionally thrown at him, but no words passed between them.

He finished his paperwork early, dropping it triumphantly on Will's desk. His uptight supervisor gave him something to file instead-couldn't have anyone happy at work, now could he. As he wandered down to the file room, a large stack of papers in his arms, he continued to puzzle out his problem.

Eric was smart. Occasionally his size or his avoidance of his work gave people other ideas, but he was quite intelligent. He'd have graduated top of his class at the Academy, had he ever bothered to turn in his work. Of course, he was no genius, like Will or Alan, but he was far from stupid, and when he had a problem, he could usually solve it. This was a problem any amount of intelligence seemed to be failing to help him fix. It frustrated him in many ways.

"Eric!" A female voice called from behind him. He turned to see a platinum blonde-very pretty-walking towards him.

"Hey, Jess." The woman he'd gone out with a few days ago.

"Hello. So, um, what've you been up to?" _For god's sake, I saw you three days ago._

"Nothing much." _Debating my straightness_. "And you?"

"Nothing much." She looked at him expectantly. _What does she-oh!_ Eric realized.

"Would you like to go out? Tonight, maybe?" Of course he was straight! He wasn't attracted to Alan, not even a little. Her face lit up. Bit creepy, really, since they hadn't hit it off or anything. Eric certainly wasn't very excited. While stunningly pretty, she was also stunningly boring.

"I'd love to!" She said happily. "I'll see you after work?"

"Yeah." She turned and left, smiling. _Ugh, what am I doing? I don't even like her!_

_Overcompensating for something?_

"Have fun." The voice came from behind him. Alan stood there, a very odd look on his face. When had he gotten here? And... why did his expression cause Eric a pang of guilt?

Could it be that Alan was jealous?

Not that he should be happy about that.

...And yet...


	4. Alan's Worry

AN: Chapter four. Please read and review and don't kill me. I tried, OK? Also, in case you're wondering where I get names for extras, I randomly select from an online generator. That's also where I got "Jeffery Denker" and "Harry". I try to pick average-sounding names. Anyway. Here it is. Cliffhanger... except I'm uploading the crappy fifth chapter today, so not really.

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><p>Eric's guess had been right. Alan was jealous. Very, very jealous. He knew that Eric was straight, or at least he was fairly certain. (Eric had been waging war inside his head all day, Alan could see that plainly-but he couldn't tell what the battle was about.) And then he'd walked out of the file room and heard Eric say he was going to go out with that annoying, fluffy blonde-<p>

Ugh. Alan couldn't _stand_ her. He knew it was irrational, she was probably a very nice person, but just the idea that Eric seemed to like her made Alan less inclined to like her himself. In fact, every time he thought about her, he found something new that he didn't like. Topping the list was "she's going out with my Eric". He was well aware he had no claim to his partner, none at all, and that he shouldn't even think of him as "my Eric". But he couldn't help this jealousy. He'd loved Eric far longer than she had even known him, probably, and dammit-forgive his language-she didn't have any claim to him either!

_...He_ likes _her. He_ doesn't _like you. That gives her more claim than you've ever had_.

But oh, to know that hurt. It hurt a lot. And it made him quite angry. At her, for daring to go out with his partner. At Eric, even though he knew Eric was a grown man and free to go out with whoever he wanted. At himself, for even getting this worked up over it. He'd been jealous of Eric's girlfriend's before, of course, he _loved_ Eric, and could hardly be expected to not be jealous-but he supposed it was stronger now given the events of the previous night.

He knew he was unessecarily bothered about this-after all, he'd been dealing with this for a long time-but the remembrance of the kiss was dancing around in his head, taunting him, and he'd been stupid enough to think that maybe, just maybe, Eric liked him back. He'd known it was a long shot, that Eric had probably kissed him back just because he'd gotten confused, or carried away, or forgot that Alan wasn't his stupid little girlfriend. No, that last was insane. Eric wasn't an idiot, he'd known who Alan was, but the first two options were entirely possible.

Alan had just wished-he'd wished so much about so many things related to Eric-that maybe his partner kissing him back had been more than a knee-jerk reaction or something. Eric had added to the hope, even, by saying "I kind of liked it". But Alan was cursing himself even now for thinking that it meant anything. After all, it wasn't as though kissing a man and kissing a woman were very different, they'd probably felt much the same to Eric, and he might be able to like a kiss almost no matter who it was with.

The main point was that Eric didn't like _him_. He didn't like Alan, and he was going out with that little-

_Woah, there. Stop that train of thought before it gets out of the station_.

It wasn't Alan's business who Eric went out with, and it never would be. But...it did hurt. He sat at his desk in the office, glaring at his papers and ignoring Eric as much as was possible. He'd actually snapped a pencil in half when Eric had told Ronald about his date-that had been quite hard to explain. Eric was throwing guilty glances at him every few minutes-Alan wasn't sure why he would feel guilty, but that was the emotion he read in Eric's look. Eric had nothing to feel guilty about, the berk-

_Stop! It's not as though he's cheating on you. I think you actually have to be in a relationship for that to happen_.

"Alan!" Grell waltzed over to Alan's desk, disregarding the fact that they both had paperwork to do.

"Yes, Grell?" As irritated and impatient as Alan felt, he felt the need to be polite to his flamboyant coworker.

"Come with me." He grabbed Alan's arm and dragged him out of the office. The small Reaper could swear he felt Eric's eyes burning holes in his back. As soon as they were out of earshot of the office, Grell stopped and dropped Alan's arm.

"Grell! I need to finish work." Alan protested. "What do you need?" Grell merely smirked at him. For someone who could never shut up, he sure was being mysterious.

"What's up with you and Eric? The tension between you is so heavy I could almost _grip_ it~" He made a lewd hand gesture. Alan grimaced at his rudeness.

"Oh, nothing."

"Don't even try, Alan, you're an awful liar, and what's more, I knoooow something's wrong." _He can't possibly "knoooow" anything_.

"It's nothing, really, Grell."

"I know you love him." Grell raised an eyebrow and smiled knowingly. "Just because he's as oblivious as a block of wood doesn't mean the rest of us can't see it."

"Gre-you-I don't-" Alan stuttered. Grell seemed oddly omniscent for someone who acted so ridiculous. He didn't know what it was about the redhead, but he always seemed able to spot people's feelings, even if he ignored them half the time.

"Deny, deny!" Grell said, voice sing-songy. "You _love_ him, darling." He examined his bloodred nails, looking for chips or scratches in the paint.

"Yeah, well, think that if you want, but he doesn't-"

"Oh, he just doesn't _know_ he loves you yet." Grell scoffed. "I do love a good romance," He added thoughtfully. "He stares at you all the time, when he thinks no one's looking. He gets mad when I hug you. He thinks you're adorable, he practically _told_ me yesterday." Alan's spirits rose-although, "practically told" in Grell-ese could mean anything from that Eric had actually told him to that Eric had told Grell to bugger off. Still, he could hardly keep a surge of happiness down-Eric looked at him? Maybe...

_You've been down this road, Alan, and it only ends up with you hurt_. Yes, Alan had found hope many times, in as many years as he'd loved Eric from afar, and they'd all been him having thought he'd seen something that he hadn't. He'd cried over Eric a good number of times, had even worried and wondered himself into an attack, once. _Remember, your source is_ Grell_, and, as such, you should probably ignore everything he says._ And yet, Alan felt a bit happier when Grell sighed and walked away, muttering something about redoing his makeup.

Eric's eyes traveled down his body when he came back into the room, as though checking to make sure Grell hadn't hurt him. The intensity in his gaze was pleasing, and although Alan knew it was merely a once-over, it was nice to pretend that the ruggedly handsome Reaper was looking at him for some romantic reason. Goodess knew he'd fantasized about it a good many times, the daydreams _sometimes_ edging on the innapropriate.

"What'd he want?" And it was just as easy to pretend that Eric was asking out of some jealousy or protectiveness. That he felt, even a little, like Alan himself.

"I think he was just trying to get me out of the office for a minute. He can actually be kind of nice sometimes." Alan lied. _Try to keep it normal, Alan, for his sake and yours._

"You're a terrible liar, Alan."

"I am not!" Alan replied, inscenced. Grell had said that too, and Alan found it a little offensive that everyone thought he was lying. Never mind that they'd been _right_, it was still annoying. Eric smiled, somewhat tenderer than usual, or was Alan just imagining it?

"You're very cute when you're angry." Eric looked just as shocked about the words coming out of his mouth as Alan felt. "I mean-" He stammered, his face reddening. "I just-" Was it possible? Alan's heart leapt. _Setting yourself up for disappointment, Alan_... He shoved aside the mental reprimand and looked at Eric as evenly as he would when his stomach was turning backflips.

"I think we need to talk after work." He said.

"I've got something-" _Oh. Yes. The date with that... that... woman_.

"All right then, now's a good time."

"Now is _not_ a good time." Eric looked nervous and rather like he was hoping that Ronald, or Will, would walk in and save him. Even Grell's return would do."It's a very bad time, actually, I've got-"

"Eric." Alan's voice was firm. "You haven't got anything. And I know it." Eric sighed.

"Look, if Grell called you 'cute' you wouldn't see anything in it. I was just commenting."

"_You_ aren't Grell," Alan replied, "and given all that's-"

"I'm confusing you, and I'm sorry." Eric said bluntly. "It doesn't mean anything. I'm...I don't go for men, I told you that." How it hurt Alan to hear that, to know Eric was probably telling the truth, that his heart was probably just running away with him! But he'd hoped... he'd hoped so much...

"How long are you going to believe this crap?" A voice from the door made them both turn.

"Grell? How much did you-"

"Enough," Grell replied, "to see that you're both bullshitting yourselves and eachother. You're so annoying!" Alan could see a vein in Eric's forehead twitch. He was clearly not happy about this. Not that he'd been happy before-but now he was angry rather than nervous. "Look, Eric, the fact that you're going out with a girl tonight is not proof of anything." He rolled his eyes in Alan's direction, as if to say, 'ugh, men'. "And Alan, do you even see past his pretty face? He's as obvious as disease on a hooker." He giggled at his own joke, not seeming to realize that his two-man audience was frozen in their tracks, Eric looking angry, Alan's face unreadable.

"None of your-"

"You've got to be wrong-"

Alan and Eric spoke at the same time. Grell laughed again.

"Let me just leave you two children to figure this out. I tried to tell you ten minutes ago, Alan, he just doesn't know it yet, but you didn't listen to me." He paused. "No one ever listens to me. I wonder why?"

"Probably because you're a-"

"Grell, please don't-"

They spoke together again, elliciting yet another laugh from the other Reaper. "Toodleoo!" He said cheerfully, then left. Alan walked over to check that he'd really gone this time. He had.

"That was... odd. I didn't understand half of what he said." Eric said, looking thoughtfully at the door, anger abated now that the source had left.

"He thinks you're in love with me." Alan expected a derisive laugh, perhaps something sarcastic, and Eric's response surprised him.

"I-no! I mean- no!" Eric looked intensely flustered. Before he averted his eyes from Alan's gaze, Alan could see his mind working behind them. Despite the fact that his sentence contained the word "no", twice in fact, Eric seemed awfully disturbed by the idea. And Alan needed to know, because Eric was confusing him... _Ooh, don't do it Alan, this is what you did last night, it was a mistake then, it's a mistake now- _

"Methinks he doth protest too much..." He said softly, taking a step towards Eric. The blonde's eyes widened as he realized what Alan was about to do. In all honesty, Alan wasn't quite sure either what exactly he thought this was going to help, but he had to...

When his lips touched Eric's, he could feel his partner tense under the kiss. Not unlike last night, although this time, it was even less likely that Eric would kiss him back, and even more likely that Alan would walk away hurting. He'd been lucky before, why couldn't he have just left it at that? _He doesn't like it, you're an idiot, why did you even bother_- Even though he was still in contact with Eric, Alan knew it was over, it was all over. A tear slipped from his eye at the end of his love. Well, not the end of his _love_-but the end of any fantasies he'd had of it working out.

He opened his eyes, ready to break the kiss. Though his vision was blurred by tears, he could see that Eric's eyes were also open, and staring straight into his. He saw his partner's thoughts turning frantically in his head, and Eric was still tense, but this was odd, because though the blonde was still tensed, like before, he wasn't pulling away, and... Something clicked in Eric's eyes, he could almost see the snap decision his parter had made...


	5. Eric's Decision

AN: I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am for this. I had no clue how to make Eric come out of denial, so...  
>I'm embarrassed about this. Sorry.<br>Hope you don't hate me? Read and review, please.

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><p>"Methinks he doth protest too much..." Alan's words were soft, and then he took a step forward, and Eric could see the determination in his eyes, and knew what he was going to do...<p>

And then Alan was kissing him. Eric couldn't help but freeze, even though he'd seen it coming. _What to do what to do what to do_. His thoughts weren't helping him at all, because he could think of a hundred reasons he shouldn't be doing this, a hundred more that he should push Alan away, but still, he really didn't want his partner to stop. And then he saw something... a tear, sliding out of Alan's closed eye, making a wet trail down his cheek. Eric was confusing him by not stopping him, stringing him along, so add another reason to those lists of hundreds. _What to do what to do what to do_. It was an exact replay of the night before, although Alan hadn't been crying then, and this time he wasn't planning on slamming the brunette into anything.

No, he'd be nice about it this time.

The decision was made in an instant, the execution even quicker. His hands, which had been tensed into fists by his side, slid up to Alan's back, pressing him close enough to feel his heart pounding. He fit against Eric far better than any of the girls the older Reaper had ever kissed-sometimes certain..._assets_...that Alan didn't have got in the way.

Eric had been told, by some of the girls he'd gone out with, that he was a good kisser. He had always enjoyed being told that-it gave him a feeling of masculine pride. But, for whatever reason, he was more nervous about this "performance" than for any of those others, and he wasn't sure he was doing a very good job.

Alan broke the kiss, looking up at Eric as much as possible when they were wrapped so closely together.

"You...kissed me back..." He said, sounding breathless. His face was pink, his eyes wide and incredulous. _He's so cute_... Eric thought, for once not counteracting the thought. Grell was right, he was right... Eric had been watching Alan, and he'd been...

He lifted a hand to Alan's cheek, brushed away the tear. "Why are you crying?" He asked quietly, for Alan's ears alone. "Don't cry..."

"I was... I thought... Eric..." _You're so adorable, Alan, and I can't believe I've just realized it_. Alan clung to Eric's shirt, his eyes asking questions the blonde was sure he couldn't answer. All he knew was that all of a sudden he'd become able to admit to himself that he thought Alan was far more beautiful than any woman he'd ever seen, and that he cared much more about what Alan thought of him than he cared about anything else. That, he reasoned, was attraction, he'd been feeling it for a while, and now so many of his thoughts made sense.

He leaned down and kissed Alan again, tipping his face up with a few fingers on his jaw. Alan was beautiful, and he had been since Eric had known him, but he'd ever cared, why hadn't he cared? _You couldn't accept that he was male_. But what a stupid reason! He could have been doing this before, and he hadn't been because he'd been in denial? What a stupid, stupid reason. Eric remembered now Alan's face, full of hurt, and he had been the cause!

"As long as I've known you", Alan had told him yesterday, Alan had loved him for that long, and... how much must it have pained him every time Eric told him about a date he'd been on, or said that this or that girl was attractive? Alan had even, once, walked in on Eric and his girlfriend while they were kissing-now Eric knew that his face after that hadn't been shock, or disgust, it had been pain. He'd caused Alan pain!

"E-eric..." Alan stammered, pushing him away, looking embarrassed. One of the most enticing things Eric had ever seen.

"D'you want me to stop?" _I_ knew _I wasn't doing a good job_.

"Of, of course not, b-but I want to know _why_... I th-thought you, you were, you just said..." Of course he wanted to know. It was human, Eric knew, to change your mind at the drop of a dime, but typically it wasn't this sudden, he was sure. He was reacting in ways Alan had clearly never expected, and probably confusing the poor thing much more than was absolutely nessecary. First he'd kissed Alan, then he'd pushed him away, then he'd told him he'd liked it, then he'd made plans with that girl, then he'd told Alan he was cute, then he hadn't responded, and now he was kissing him back... He could tell he was changing his mind all too much, and Alan couldn't possibly know what was going on.

"Poor Alan..." He said, reaching out to touch Alan's cheek again. "I'm sorry for confusing you." Alan flushed deeper, looking at his feet rather than at his partner. "Look at me, sweetheart." He heard the tiny brunette draw in a breath quickly at the endearment. He smiled, though he knew Alan couldn't see him. How had he never seen these things he noticed now about Alan? How had he been so close to this and never realized? How? Alan raised his head to look at Eric.

"I'm looking."

"I can see..." And then he was off, talking more than he'd thought he'd ever need to, explaining to Alan everything that must be confusing and painful. When he reached how he had finally made up his mind, all he could say was, "It just happened." It was true, Eric wasn't sure of the trigger, or what had caused him to act on his realization, but... somehow, something had just clicked, and he'd known what he was going to do, and he'd seen Alan clearer than he'd ever seen anyone before.

He apologized for years of hurt and pain for his little partner, for everything he'd ever done, unknowing, to make Alan sad. He apologized for time lost, and for time Alan had had to endure. He would be apologizing to Alan for all of this for a long time, forever, maybe, until someday, he'd be able to say he'd atoned for all the things he'd done to his partner. He'd prove, someday, that he was worthy of the beautiful man standing in front of him.

"Eric Slingby..." Alan said, looking at him with something unidentifiable in his face, "You are without a doubt the most obtuse man I've ever met." Eric had been told that before, and was somewhat not surprised to hear it now. "But... thank you." He smiled. And what a pretty smile, showing a flash of white teeth, and Eric could hardly focus on anything but Alan's lips, but he noticed the happiness in his eyes. He would never miss anything about Alan again, he vowed to notice it all.

How the change in himself could be so drastic was beyond him, but all he cared about was this new development-he _loved_ Alan. He supposed he had for a while, but had been denying it to himself absolutely. He remembered himself yesterday, and laughed-how no one had told him he'd had a stick up his ass was anyone's guess.

"Now," He said, kissing Alan again, quickly, "I'm going to go find Jessica." Alan's smile disappeared and pain flashed across his face again.

"Why?"

"I've got a date to cancel..." Alan's face reverted to happiness, and he giggled.

Eric's new favorite sound.


End file.
